``n0edle``: 2015

In case I couldn't tell you

Saturday, November 07, 2015

Well, when you asked me what should you do I can’t say a word, and I couldn’t tell you what I really wanted to tell you. So I write this one, in case you don’t know.

I knew from her, that you’re just playing around instead of being serious with me, and all your effort. Well everything just to make me fall for you. And when I already did, you feel disturbed enough and started to make a distance from me.

At first I didn’t believe what she said, I’ve known you long enough. And I believed you trust me, or at least reckoned me. And vice versa. I trusted you too much, rely on you and without even realized I’m already depend on you. Everytime I’m alone or just have story to tell, I wanted to tell you. And my happiness is when you tell me some story, find me in your hard time and else.

But then you admit it, that you just play around with me. You said sorry and tell me we can’t as close as we were, because you afraid that I fall for you more.

But here it is, without you even started, every effort, every game you play. I’ve already fall. Without I even knowing it. And know that you make a distance from me, my feeling wont change.

And now you found a new target, you flirt in front of me, the way you talk to her, is the same way you used to talked to me before, its sicken me. That’s why I keep a distance from you, besides I don’t like the idea of I’m disturbing you with any feeling I have for you. I know you don’t want me to have this feeling, well but at least don’t let me seeing you flirting to another girl.

I knew some girls, saying inappropriate things about you. They knew what you’ve experienced and what you haven’t. they targeting you to having some fun, and I wont let it happen. If you’re have to do it, do it with the right one, don’t make mistakes and regret, don’t do silly things. I just can’t imagine bad things happen to you, and as long as I can prevent, I’ll strive for it. Because, to be honest, I still blame myself for what happen to you that night. I couldn’t protect you, and I can’t apologize myself after knew you had an car accident.

You’ve tried to fix our friendship and I know you’ve try hard. But some of your action are just an opposite. I knew you still keeping a distance.

Well, I know we are so can’t to be together, but honestly. What we were is enough. At least I can rely on you and you can tell me what you feel, and I can take care of you like I want to. But, at some point I realize I’m too naïve if I wish we can be as fine as before, we just can’t. something happened and can’t be undone and it changes whatever between us. I try to accept it for now, although its hard. Some nights I just thinking too much about it.~n0e~